Susan insisted that I write at least a brief post to let you know that she is alive and well. Her neck is still very sore. Apparently there is a nerve (or tendon, I can’t remember which) that was cut in order to remove the lymph node and tumors from her neck. This nerve seems to be connected to her left arm somehow and, thus, she cannot lift her left arm and there are very few positions that are comfortable for her. She decided to drive to church today (I had to stay home to get caught up on a few work matters that need to be done by tomorrow morning), and she quickly realized that she isn’t currently a safe driver. Luckily, Ryan’s wife is out of town and he was more than willing to get away from home and drive Susan and the boys home after church. When she got home at about 11:30, she was in a lot of pain, but rather than lay down and take it easy, she felt like she needed to go to the hospital to be with her sister since nobody else could be with her at that time. Thus, She and Ryan went to the hospital, while I stayed home and watched the boys (the hospital where Mandy had her baby doesn’t let kids into hospital rooms with newborns). After an hour or so, they came back and Susan took a Tylenol with codeine to try to relieve some pain so she could go to sleep. I let her sleep for a while and then I got a call on my cell phone from her. I picked it up and she whispered, “I need you.” I went upstairs where she was laying in bed, still with her eyes closed. She asked me if there was a bug on her face. I said “no.” She asked again if there was a bug on her face. I told her “no,” again. She then told me that she couldn’t open her eyes, even though she was trying to. I rubbed her head for a while to calm her down, but a few minutes later she asked again if I was sure there were no bugs on her face. Having had no luck telling her the truth, and at this point realizing that she was still at least half asleep, I said, “now that I look closer, there is a spider on your nose,” and I proceeded to smash a pretend spider on her nose. About thirty seconds later, the imaginary spider had spread over more of her face so I told her that the spider must have left some baby spiders on her face, which caused her to more vigorously rub her head (OK, maybe I just thought about telling her there were baby spiders on her face). It was interesting to be inside one of her dreams. I quickly calmed her down and she went back to sleep again. I asked her about the bugs on her face tonight, and she remembered nothing about it. Just another example of how sensitive she is to drugs. She is generally doing better though and looking forward to getting started on treatment as soon as possible. She is very scared for the bone marrow test on Tuesday though, which apparently hurts pretty bad (according to a recent episode of “Grey’s Anatomy” that she saw).
Dreams
Perspective
I thought I would clarify what yesterday’s post meant. It is all about perspective. 2 weeks ago I would have never guessed I would be praying for any form of cancer. But after the roller coaster of finding out just how bad different forms of cancer could be, I was relieved to find out that I have a cancer that has a high cure rate. It is still cancer, though. There are still cancerous tumors throughout my chest, in my neck, near my liver, and possibly in my bone marrow. I will still need to endure many months of chemotherapy and then radiation, not to mention I will have to get the bone marrow test on Tuesday. I will lose my hair and likely be very sick throughout the treatment and the treatment may make me more susceptible to other types of cancers and other sicknesses. Having said all of this, I am thankful that I have a cancer that does have such a high cured rate, and that I will be able to watch my kids grow up.
It is funny how your perspective can can change so much in just a few weeks. I’m not looking forward to Chemo, seeing how a little bandage caused such a horrible allergic reaction. It is going to be a very rough ride. But I do enjoy reading everyone’s comments and it is quite entertaining. Today I’m swollen and very sore. I stopped taking pain meds b/c I thought they might be causing the allergic reaction. So I’m practicing pain tolerance. Best thing I have found is distractions. Have a wonderful day full of distractions. My favorite distraction came today at 10:11am when my niece Kaylee was born. 7lbs 19in. She is beautiful!!! I’m so lucky to be an Auntie again!!!
My prayers have been answered – I have Hodgkins Disease!! ;)
The biopsy results just came back, so it’s official. Okay they just faxed over the report is says: Malignant Lymphoma, Hodgkin’s disease, Nodular Sclerosing type. Not sure what the 2nd part means. But I know Hodgkin’s was better then non-hodgkins.
Surgery SUCKS!!!
I’m really sick today. It is no fun to dry heave with stitches in your neck. I’m having an allergic reaction to the bandage on the neck. I have terrible itching and it feels like its burning up through my ear. Mom and Russ are diligently trying to push fluids and food down me. It was a very rough night. I was up allot with pain nausea and my extremities falling asleep. I also was terribly itchy and sweating profusely. Not to mention the nightmares. I can’t keep my pain meds down so my neck is KILLING me. My dear sweet Rhonda came over and put a new bandage on me and brought food, which Russ informs me he spotted brownies. This of course makes his day. I think that is the best part of me being sick he gets to enjoy lots of comfort food. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is reading the blog and my e-mails. They are such a great distraction. I love being able to chuckle while I feel like crying. I’m going to try and take a nap and forget how awful I feel! Yesterday I had to be isolated because of my new radio active powers. Ty and AJ kept opening up my door and giving me long distant hugs and kisses. Ty got upset and started to cry at bed time b/c he really wanted to touch me. So Russ said he had to run really quick to me for a tiny kiss then run back. This made his night. Adam of course heard this and wanted a turn. So Russ said ready set go…Adam comes running to me then in a panic say, ” where do I kiss you?” I kissed the top of his head and he ran back to Russ as fast as he could. It was a very special moment for me. You really take for granted how special a hug and a kiss are to a child. You don’t realize it until it’s taken away. I think in the back of the kids minds they were hoping to get a little radio active material so they could transform into the real teenage mutant turtles. I’ll let you know what the biopsy results are when we know.
“Strawberries”
Here are the tumors removed from Susan’s neck, which the surgeon said were the size of strawberries. I asked if I could go into the operating room to watch the surgery and take a picture of the tumors, but they could not be convinced. They also “didn’t want to be responsible” for our camera, so the best they could offer was a Polaroid picture without any frame of reference. Since there is no reference object in the pictures, I went ahead and added a reference object that makes the size more clear.
